{"id":9671,"date":"2018-11-27T10:00:29","date_gmt":"2018-11-27T15:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womensministrytoolbox.com\/?p=9671"},"modified":"2020-08-25T15:26:09","modified_gmt":"2020-08-25T19:26:09","slug":"women-wounded-by-the-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/womensministrytoolbox.com\/women-wounded-by-the-church\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Love on Women Who Have Been Wounded by the Church"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Advice<\/p>\n

One year ago we made the difficult decision to leave the church we were attending.<\/p>\n

We were weekly attendees, members of a small group, and active in the church.<\/p>\n

This wasn\u2019t a decision we made quickly or lightly. To be honest, it was one we didn\u2019t want to make.<\/p>\n

Over several months God revealed some red flags, but it wasn\u2019t until I was badly wounded that we knew we had to leave.<\/p>\n

I can see now that God knew it would take a 2×4 experience to get me to move on. And a 2×4 is what I got.<\/p>\n

I knew even then that my hurt had a purpose and it was part of God\u2019s plan.<\/h4>\n

As truly awful and hurtful as that experience was, I thank God for giving me a glimpse of what women who are hurt and wounded by the church experience.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I shed a lot of angry tears.<\/p>\n

Aware that Satan wanted nothing more than to sideline us, we visited another church the following Sunday.<\/p>\n

Despite my desire to move past what happened, for months I struggled to heal.<\/p>\n

I was wary of others in the church and stumbled over what to say when asked what brought us to the church we now attend.<\/p>\n

Ladies, there are women in your church who have been wounded by the church and are struggling to heal.<\/strong><\/p>\n

They\u2019ve been hurt deeply and they don\u2019t feel they can trust the church not to hurt them again.<\/p>\n

Having walked in the shoes of a wounded woman, I have some advice for you<\/strong> as you seek to love on the women wounded by the church.<\/p>\n

If you even sense she\u2019s been wounded, trust the Holy Spirit and tread carefully.<\/h4>\n
1. Don\u2019t ask her to volunteer the first time you meet her.<\/h5>\n

It will feel like pressure and she\u2019ll likely flee.<\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t make a big deal out of her presence \u2013 this goes for all guests.<\/h5>\n

Have every table or discussion group introduce themselves, but don\u2019t ask guests to stand or point out their presence to the entire group. They will run from the spotlight.<\/p>\n

3. Give her a warm, but not smothering, welcome.<\/h5>\n

She\u2019s dipping her toe into the water to check and see if it\u2019s warm. If it\u2019s not, she going to back up. She might try again at a later date, but probably not.<\/p>\n

4. Repeatedly encourage her participation, but expect baby steps.<\/h5>\n

In many ways, she\u2019s like a wounded animal trying to figure out who she can trust, and who she can\u2019t. It may take weeks or months before she takes a step or trusts a soul. Let her just observe and watch.<\/p>\n

5. Encourage healing.<\/h5>\n

For many women, sharing about a hurtful experience just adds fuel to the fire. They feel vindicated when someone takes their side and becomes upset over the injustice too. Don\u2019t participate in gossip.<\/strong> Let her know you are sorry she was hurt and that you\u2019ll be praying for her as she seeks to move forward and heal. *If there was abuse of any kind, encourage her to report it and seek professional counseling.<\/p>\n

6. Extend grace.<\/h5>\n

She\u2019s nervous and she may try too hard. She may even say something that comes across as less than friendly. Like a porcupine, she may have her quills out and be ready for a fight. Don\u2019t give her one.<\/p>\n

7. Don\u2019t expect her to respond immediately to your efforts.<\/h5>\n

Her heart may be hardened. Pray God will soften it. Trust that God is working even if you can\u2019t see it.<\/p>\n

Time has brought healing<\/h4>\n

God led us to a church where I\u2019ve been able to plug in without pressure.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come a long way in the last year, but I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ll ever forget the pain and hurt\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve written and re-written this blog post almost a dozen times as I\u2019ve wrestled with what to share, when to share, and how to share it.<\/p>\n

With each revision God\u2019s had me pull out more of the details. Sharing them would not bring glory to God.<\/p>\n

Writing and re-writing my story has helped me to work through the pain and find healing.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve been wounded by the church I pray you\u2019ll find healing too.<\/h4>\n

Lord, help us to be a safe place where women can find healing from the wounds inflicted by the church.<\/em><\/p>\n

You may also want to read:<\/strong>
\nHow to Minister to Spiritually Mismatched Women<\/a>
\nHow to Minister to Angry Women<\/a>
\nLowering Our Women Through the Roof<\/a>
\nBook Review: Leading Women Who Wound<\/a>
\nEncouragement: Blessing Bags<\/a>
\n8 Ways to Encourage One Another<\/a><\/p>\n

One year ago:<\/strong> 10 Productivity Tips for Women\u2019s Ministry Leaders<\/a>
\nTwo years ago:<\/strong> 13 Ideas for Sprinkling Your Event with Christmas Music<\/a>
\nThree years ago:<\/strong> Before Your Next Event<\/a>
\nFour years ago:<\/strong> Why I Don\u2019t Do White Elephant Exchanges<\/a>
\nFive years ago:<\/strong> 31 Christmas Fellowship Ideas<\/a><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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