{"id":12897,"date":"2021-02-09T09:45:00","date_gmt":"2021-02-09T14:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/womensministrytoolbox.com\/?p=12897"},"modified":"2021-02-08T10:47:48","modified_gmt":"2021-02-08T15:47:48","slug":"equipping-groups-to-support-marriages-in-the-church","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/womensministrytoolbox.com\/equipping-groups-to-support-marriages-in-the-church\/","title":{"rendered":"Equipping Groups to Support Marriages in the Church"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Marriages<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Cortney Donelson is a dear friend and was a speaker at last fall’s Ministry to Women Summit (available here)<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I’ve invited her to share about equipping groups to support marriages in the church. I pray you’ll find it helpful as you seek to serve and support women whose marriage may be in crisis. – Cyndee<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Crisis, Community, and Post-It\u2122 Notes<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It is\u00a0without a doubt <\/em>the craziest gift my husband has ever given me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a long night planning for a retreat with the women\u2019s ministry team I was a part of, I drove home at three o\u2019clock in the morning. I pulled up our driveway, then into the garage. I slipped out of my car and turned the knob to enter the kitchen of our house. As I pushed the door forward a smidge, I noticed a dimmed light welcoming me home. My husband had long before gone to bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I didn\u2019t expect was to be met with hundreds of Post-it\u2122<\/sup> notes of various colors, stuck to every inch of our cherry-stained kitchen cabinets. It was a haphazard collection of pink, pale yellow, baby blue, and mint green squares.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I climbed on top of the counters and, in the wee hours of the morning, read each one as I gently pulled them down, creating a stack of notes in my hand that I knew I\u2019d keep forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love how we share so many inside jokes.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are my favorite person.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m sorry.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The messages went on and on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Crisis<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

What I haven\u2019t mentioned yet is that my husband and I were in a marriage crisis at the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had learned only weeks before that he was addicted to pornography\u2014and had been since before we were married thirteen years earlier. The information came as a blow to my stomach. He had also revealed that his addiction had resulted in multiple extramarital \u201caffairs.\u201d That information was still squeezing my soul with every breath I took.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a prompting from the Lord\u2014\u201cDon\u2019t leave yet\u201d\u2014I had decided to \u201cstick\u201d it out as my husband and I sought individual counseling and attended addiction support groups.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite God\u2019s ask, I was taking it one day at a time, perched on the edge of the decision to flee at any moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Community<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I wouldn\u2019t have stayed . . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t have listened to God . . .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I would never have been obedient to His request to go another day if it wasn\u2019t for the women\u2019s ministry team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These women didn\u2019t critique my choices. They never minimized my marriage. They didn\u2019t even judge my husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

These women pointed me toward the Lord, time after time. They gave me a holy confidence, reminding me that my ultimate hope was not found in earthly circumstances or relationships, not even the most precious ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most importantly, they prayed over me and for me. With each gathering, we lay prone on the prayer house floor, wept together, and worshipped as one body in Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Carry each other\u2019s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.<\/em> (Galatians 6:2, NIV<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Years later, I would write a book called Clay Jar, Cracked: When We\u2019re Broken But Not Shattered<\/em>, and you better believe I mentioned the members of this ministry team as some of the most important influencers who supported me through my marriage crisis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even more so than the Christian support group I attended, these women gave me fuel for the spiritual and emotional battles I faced as my husband and I worked toward recovery and eventually embraced God\u2019s redemption.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[Click to receive your free digital copy of Clay Jar, Cracked<\/em><\/a>]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Supporting Marriage in the Church<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If not for the faith, acceptance, grace, love, and community of that ministry team, I would not still be married today to my best friend. This year, my husband and I will celebrate twenty-three years of marriage, and our relationship is more intimate and purposed than ever before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Lord never meant for us to endure crises on our own. He surrounds us with the right people at the right time. We just have to look for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are 3 tangible ways<\/strong> the Church can link arms with God and join Him in what He is already doing to redeem struggling or broken marriages:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
  1. Proactively<\/em><\/strong> post<\/em><\/strong> resources (even external ones) related to pornography addiction, infidelity, and other marriage crises. Don\u2019t wait for couples\/spouses to seek you out as a ministry leader or wonder where to turn when crisis hits. <\/strong>It\u2019s a sensitive subject, and most people don\u2019t want to admit they\u2019re going through this particular story, even though it\u2019s more common than people realize.<\/li>
  2. Normalize<\/em><\/strong> marriage struggles by encouraging leaders in the church to be authentic about their own marriages\u2019 ups and downs. No marriage is perfect. Too often as leaders, we tend to believe we must only show others the best sides of our marriages. Let\u2019s do away with the stigma associated with Christian marriage struggles. People need to know difficulties need not give way to the choice to give up on the union. <\/strong>God is bigger than any crisis.<\/li>
  3. Gather<\/em><\/strong> as organized couples with the purpose of fostering godly marriages. If your church doesn\u2019t have a marriage ministry, I encourage you to start one. Marriage is the building block of civilization, ordained by God, and therefore, under attack by our enemy. A marriage ministry provides a central place for couples to connect with each other, others, and God on a regular basis.<\/strong><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    In small groups (or large) we must bravely tell our marriage stories, bringing forth the right people at the right time. We can shine light on the darkness\u2014lest it claim victory over a single one of God\u2019s couples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    When I walked into that kitchen in those early morning hours, in the raw weeks of our marriage crisis, those sticky notes felt like manna from heaven because<\/em> God\u2014through the women\u2019s ministry team\u2014had opened my heart to starting the long forgiveness process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Finally, here\u2019s a gift from me to you, a sticky note to encourage your own healing ministry for those who have been crushed or remained bruised in their marriage crises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    Want to hear more of Cortney’s story? Wondering how you can support women who are dealing with their spouse’s infidelity and addiction? <\/em>You’ll want to check out her interview for the Ministry to Women Summit<\/a> (individual and group viewing options now available). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"\"<\/figure><\/div><\/div>

    Cortney Donelson<\/h2>

    Author, speaker<\/p>

    Cortney Donelson, author of Clay Jar, Cracked: When We’re Broken But Not Shattered<\/a> (affiliate link), partners with her husband, Marc, to offer support and encouragement to couples who want to repair and strengthen their marriages. She owns vocem, LLC<\/a>\u2014a writing services company\u2014and is co-founder of GirlStory Magazine<\/a> for teens and tweens. She is the proud mother of two children and a golden retriever who doesn’t retrieve. In her spare time, she enjoys paddle boarding and hiking.<\/p><\/div>