Comments on: Why I Don’t Do White Elephant or Dirty Santa Games

By: Cyndee Ownbey

Cyndee Ownbey — Fri, 09 Jan 2026 01:33:44 +0000

In reply to Esmeralda. Esmeralda, I am so sorry. I hate that you were uninvited.

By: Esmeralda

Esmeralda — Tue, 23 Dec 2025 21:03:16 +0000

The last time I participated in a white elephant gift exchange was over 20 years ago prior to me becoming a Christian and I knew then that it was something I will never want to do ever again. Well, fast forward to today and my family got invited to a Christmas gathering only for the host to mention that there will be a white elephant gift exchange. I informed her that it is something that my family will not partake in since we would rather focus on the fellowship, give just to give, out of love or donate. We were uninvited. Some people are just way too attached to these man made traditions that they lose focus on what the season is really is about. Many Christians have lost that the focus that Christ is in the center of all of this.

By: Cyndee Ownbey

Cyndee Ownbey — Tue, 02 Dec 2025 00:14:51 +0000

In reply to Terry. Terry, thank you for sharing. That's an interesting perspective.

By: Terry

Terry — Tue, 18 Nov 2025 19:16:14 +0000

I stopped participating in Dirty Santa parties years ago, at least when it involved only women. My reason was not that it violates a Commandment or even causes hurt feelings per se, but because of the cliquishness and sense of entitlement that comes out, even among Christian women, when a high-value gift is up for grabs.

My observation has been that when one of the “popular” women (and especially the Queen Bee) steals a gift, she is encouraged and spurred on by remarks of, “She’s making her move!” or “You go, girl!” and then congratulated over her conquest, while her victim is expected to simply grin and bear it. However if the steal-er is outside the Inner Circle, her claiming of a popular girl’s gift is met with murmurings of “Did you see that?” or “She knew {Queen Bee} wanted that; how could she be so selfish?” On at least two occasions I’ve played this game with other women in the spirit of fun and good humor, and one of these times the only reason I took another woman’s gift was at the encouragement of someone else. But the unmistakably chilly vibe in the room afterward told me that this was apparently NOT how the game was played. It was just “understood”. The problem was not the game itself; it was the social hierarchy that came to the fore when it was “played”.

Since then I have participated in couple’s games, in which several of the men brought gag gifts and kept the mood light by not taking anything personally. But even if I decided to select the very gift I’d brought from under the tree when my turn came, for the sake of not offending anyone and even possibly going home with something I wanted, this was still apparently not “correct”. It’s just as well though that the game’s popularity has waned in recent years as there is still an undercurrent of tackiness and one-upmanship. I’ve declined to attend women’s Christmas parties when White Elephant or Dirty Santa games are in the list of activities, although now that we’ve moved across town and changed churches I’m not sure if this is even considered. Maybe I’ll take a closer look if/when a women’s Christmas gathering is announced this year, and maybe I’ll even attend…

By: Cyndee Ownbey

Cyndee Ownbey — Wed, 11 Sep 2024 20:52:10 +0000

In reply to Abbie. Thank you for sharing! <3

By: Abbie

Abbie — Sun, 01 Sep 2024 23:01:10 +0000

I always DREAD games of this sort, thank you for the talking points and alternatives!

By: Cyndee Ownbey

Cyndee Ownbey — Mon, 25 Mar 2024 15:24:02 +0000

In reply to Tammy Miller. Thanks, Tammy! :)

By: Tammy Miller

Tammy Miller — Wed, 20 Mar 2024 14:02:49 +0000

I totally agree with you!

By: Cyndee Ownbey

Cyndee Ownbey — Mon, 01 Jan 2024 14:31:40 +0000

In reply to Wanda. You're welcome!

By: Wanda

Wanda — Sat, 23 Dec 2023 14:59:54 +0000

In reply to LORI. This is wonderful guidance. Thank you!